Are you in the “Sandwich Generation”? No, not hamburgers, hot dogs or even grilled cheese. If you are a primary care provider for a child (including an adult child still living with you) and an aging parent, then you are a member of the Sandwich generation.
Some days it might feel like there should be more than 24 hours in a day, especially if you are also employed full-time. Initially, when the phrase “sandwich generation” became a known term during the 1980s, this mostly referred to women caregivers in their 30s and 40s. But as childbearing became delayed, and more people started living longer, this term grew to include both men and women of any age, but primarily those in their 40s and 50s. According to a Pew research study, nearly half of adults ages 40 to 50 years old have at least one parent aged 65 or older. It is expected that as Baby Boomers continue to age, this number will greatly increase.
While having multiple generations in the family can bring much joy and love, it can also bring new challenges. It can not only be demanding on your time, but also on your resourcefulness. Providing assistance or care that conveys love and respect but also fosters an appropriate level of independence as much as possible can feel sometimes like a balancing act. Moving to a role-reversal between parent and child can be very stressful for both of you as you move into uncharted territory.
But how do you take care of your dependent children and a parent and still have time for yourself? Maybe you don’t say anything as you don’t want anyone to think you are complaining. It is simply reality. But again, how do you make time for your own needs?
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Many times, caregivers put themselves last, especially if they just run out of time in the day. However, if you continue to put yourself last, there can be serious consequences such as an impact on your own physical or emotional health or quality of life. A few tips to help the family caregiver are:
Be mindful of your own needs and be kind to yourself.
Laugh! Keeping a healthy sense of humor can get you through from day to day with some difficult situations.
Eat healthy, exercise and get plenty of sleep.
Be flexible as much as possible.
Take your favorite activities with you for when you are waiting (book, e-readers).
If you participate with your parent’s medications, medical appointments, etc., talk with your parent and healthcare provider about electronic health record access to give you more flexibility in scheduling and help with communications.
Ask other family members for help. If none are available check on community resources that might exist.
Take spontaneous breaks — even small ones can be big boosts.
Maintain contact with your friends, even if you can’t see them as much.
Earlier in this column humor was mentioned. While I certainly don’t advocate making fun of your older family member, a healthy dose of humor can get you through some of the more challenging changes of aging.
One story that comes to mind from a friend during a trip to the grocery store with her young daughter and her elderly mother diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s. My friend realized she had forgotten something in the last aisle. Taking her daughter with her, she told her mother to stay right there and she’d be right back, moving as fast as she could to retrieve the forgotten item. Upon her return, her mother greeted her with a big smile and said, “Why Mary, if I had known you were coming to the store, I would have come with you!”
While some days may seem just too much to have to think about or do one more thing, just remember what you are asked to do in an emergency on an airplane: put your own oxygen mask on first. First, care for yourself, so that you can help others. Then you will be able to carry on, love and be there for your loved ones.
