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Charles Pelc had forgotten to bring a tie.
“I’ll just ask Dad to borrow one of his ties,” he said to his mother.
Once the words were out of his mouth, he felt their irony. This was the day of his father’s funeral. In the past it would have been natural to borrow a tie, so natural it was the first thing he said. Yet in that moment it hit him in a new way that his father was not here.
“I broke down and I just started crying,” he said.
Moments like that point to the absence of a loved one. Knowing that the holiday season can hold a number of such moments, as people engage in traditional activities with those they love, several local churches are each offering “Surviving the Holidays.”
It’s a one-session program to offer support to people who’ve lost a loved one, and to give them tips on navigating the season.
“That empty chair is a vivid reminder of the pain and the loss that we go through,” said Pelc, pastor of Mohawk United Methodist Church. “Most families have built such beautiful habits into their lives that are not able to be fulfilled. … Maybe Dad carved the turkey, or Mom made a special dish.”
Mohawk will offer “Surviving the Holidays” from 7-9 p.m. Nov. 20. People can just show up, Pelc said. “We’ll have snacks and refreshments, and the program will be ready.”
Karen Holt and her husband will be facilitators for “Surviving the Holidays” at 6 p.m. Nov. 10 at Vineyard Community Church at Mt. Comfort. (There will also be a youth version of the program; see list.) During the years they’ve led it, she’s seen people helped by finding empathy there.
“They can talk with other people and see they’re not the only ones feeling the way they’re feeling,” she said.
She said the program also helps people anticipate situations, such as gracefully opting out of a holiday party. She said participants often comment on appreciating the tips.
Jason Taylor, pastor of Zion Lutheran Church in New Palestine, also pointed to those tips as one benefit of the program. Zion will offer “Surviving the Holidays” from 6:30-8:15 p.m. Nov. 21.
“Probably the beauty of it is it gives them some strategies,” Taylor said. “It helps them to think through going to a family gathering, and ‘How am I going to do that?’, ‘What am I going to say to people when they ask me how I’m doing?’
“… I think it helps them to navigate forward with a little bit more peace and a plan.”
Taylor said the guidance offered stretches beyond making it through this season into what holidays might look like next year, or the next, and incorporating new traditions that remember a loved one.
Holt has done that. Each year she bought Hallmark ornaments for her children. After her son’s passing nearly 18 years ago, she has decorated a smaller Christmas tree with his ornaments.
In addition to strategies and support, though, church leaders value the workshop’s spiritual perspective — emphasizing Christian teaching that Jesus came to be a sacrifice for sin and open a door to eternal life.
“From a faith perspective, it gives people the idea that Christmas is a wonderful time (because) we remember that Jesus came into the world for exactuly these moments,” Taylor said. “He came to bring us peace in our lives in the midst of that.”
SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS
Several churches are offering this workshop by the GriefShare ministry.
It includes a video featuring advice from people in grief who are facing the holidays after their loss, plus insights from Christian counselors, pastors and psychologists. There’s a Holiday Survival Guide with practical strategies, encouraging words, questions and answers, and journaling ideas.
While a number of local churches also offer the weekly GriefShare grief support groups, “Surviving the Holidays” is a one-session workshop available to anyone. Here are local options:
–6 p.m. Nov. 10 at Vineyard Community Church at Mt. Comfort, 1672 N. CR 600W, Greenfield. Information: www.vccmtcomfort.org, 317-894-3280
–6 p.m. Nov. 10 at Vineyard Community Church at Mt. Comfort (children and youth): This year the church will also offer a children and youth version of the program during the same time slot. Vineyard’s pastor, Rick Francis, is also a counselor and will lead that session. Information: www.vccmtcomfort.org, 317-894-3280
–10-11:30 a.m. Nov. 12 at Park Chapel Christian Church (Room 205), 1176 E. McKenzie, Greenfield. Information: parkchapel.org or 317-462-4513
–7-9 p.m. Nov. 20 at Mohawk United Methodist Church, 2045 W. CR 400N, Greenfield. Information: 317-326-2460 or [email protected]
–6:30-8:15 p.m. Nov. 21 at Zion Lutheran Church and School, 6513 W. CR 300S, New Palestine. Information: zionnewpal.org (web), [email protected] (email)
–10 a.m.-noon Nov. 23 at Knightstown Friends Church, Cost is $5, which includes participant guide and holiday refreshments. Childcare is available by request. Information: 317-696-0785 or email [email protected]
Seeking other options? Visit griefshare.org and select “Find a Group” to enter your zip code and find “Surviving the Holidays” sessions and/or GriefShare support groups near you.
