Good things come to those who wait.
So said my parents when I was a boy, trying to teach me to be patient. We’re often impatient when we want something; we jump the gun and try to lay hold of it before we’re ready. Sometimes that proves harmful, like when you try and drive a car before you’re of age.
Things of value come with responsibility. To partake of them without being ready for that responsibility can lead to a lot of hurt. Nowhere is that clearer than in our society’s misuse of sexual intimacy.
In truth, sex is a gift from God that enables mankind to reproduce. The Creator has so designed His creation that men and women can join together in a profoundly intimate way — what the Bible calls “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) – to produce children, deriving great enjoyment while being part of the creative activity of God.
But due to our fallenness away from God into sin, mankind has perverted this gift by tearing it apart from its necessary partner: marriage. The result is that we now use sex for selfish gratification, rather than in the setting of marriage where children are produced. Therein lies the source of so much grief and trouble in the world: we want the enjoyment of sexual intimacy without the responsibility that comes with it.
The truth is that when children are born to people who are not married, a lack of security and stability can take residence in the home. An unstable and insecure home environment is not healthy for children; it certainly does not help produce mature and law-abiding adults. Study after study has shown the breakdown of the family to be a leading contributor to the rising rate of crime in our country.
Happy children tend to come from happy families. Families are produced when people get married and children are produced when people are sexually intimate. Marriage and sex belong together because families and children belong together. That is the Creator’s design, and it is good.
To enjoy the goodness of that design, though, people need to wait to have sex. The Bible is clear about this. Sex was created by God for marriage. It produces children and fosters intimacy. Marriage protects and nurtures children by providing them with a mom and a dad to provide for them. That is a beautiful thing.
It’s also the expression of a commitment that a man and a woman make to each other to stay together “’til death do (they) part.” That commitment provides stability and security in the home. It also gives children a sense of who they are as they see daily the very thing that brought them into being: their parents together, as one.
The Creator’s will is that man and woman should “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth …” (Genesis 1:31). That’s a good thing. But to enjoy it as God intended, avoiding the pain that a misuse of it can bring, one needs to wait — one needs to wait until they’re married to have sex.
The response to that is often: “But I’m not ready for marriage.” And to that I say: “Then you’re not ready to have sex.” But that’s OK. It’s OK to wait until you’re ready. Sex and marriage together are worth waiting for.
Remember, good things come to those who wait.
The Rev. Dan O’Connor is pastor of Faith Lutheran Church in Greenfield. This weekly column is written by local clergy members.
