Dick Wolfsie
There are two filling stations near me where prices sometimes vary by as much as 40 cents per gallon. These two establishments are right across the street from each other. I wouldn’t drive down town to save four bucks on a new car, but I sure would venture 300 yards to save a few dollars on a tank of gas. I want a job pointing out to people who drive into the more expensive gas station how they can save some good money. I’d charge them three cents a gallon. I told Mary Ellen I’d find a good paying hobby when I retired.
By the way, they are no longer called gas or filling stations. Oil companies prefer the term convenience store. They sell bread, milk, peach iced tea, pizza, lottery tickets, butane tanks, cheerleader calendars, and kindling wood. And, of course, Red Bull. I have never downed a Red Bull or eaten biscuits and gravy. I am no longer an honorary Hoosier.
A real gas station, including someone to pump your gas, is only a distant memory for baby boomers like me. Back in New York, when I was young and virile and could pump my own gas, an attendant did it for me. Sixty years later, I have two bad knees, a sore elbow, and a bad back. Now I’m supposed to do it myself. This was abysmal planning on everyone’s part.
I still don’t know what side of the vehicle my gas tank is on. I drive into the station and try to look in my sideview mirror, but I can’t see the gas cap. So, I take a chance and pull up to the pump. Wrong side. Then I return to the car and drive completely around the pump to the other side. Wrong side again. OMG, someone stole my gas tank. I thought the little arrow on my dashboard was telling me where to look out the window.
Now, how about that gas pump. It’s always asking me questions.
Do you want to pay inside? No!
Do you want a car wash? No!
Do you want a receipt? No, No!
Do you want a Krispy Kreme doughnut? Let me think about that one.
Do you want us to turn off that stupid music video? Yes!
Do you want to know why the gas price went up while you were pumping the gas? Oh, yes!
Inside a service center, milk costs are not quite so erratic, but be prepared for this as you enter for your next fill-up.
Whole milk: $2.39 and 9/10 cents per gallon
2 percent milk: $2.34 and 9/10 cents per gallon
1 percent milk: $2.28 and 9/10 cents per gallon
½ percent milk: $2.17 and 9/10 cents per gallon
White-colored water: $1.02 and 9/10 cents per gallon
I figured out last night that mouthwash would cost about $150 a gallon, and computer ink would cost and about $4,000 per gallon.
I hope that makes you feel better about gas prices.
And some final good news. If you work for a company that pays you 67 cents a mile to operate your own car, you could hop on 465, drive 60 mph for 24 hours, and make almost a grand a day. That’s $365,000 a year.
“Sir, you were speeding. Where are you going?”
“Nowhere officer, just getting in enough mileage to feed my family.”
Television personality Dick Wolfsie writes columns for The Daily Reporter. Send comments to [email protected].
