Dick Wolfsie
I’m always nervous about traveling overseas because I am afraid I will miss something important here in the United States. For example, we will be gone during part of February next year. Mary Ellen could not have picked a worse month to be away. With a simple Google search, I realized I would miss many exciting celebrations.
To name just a few: National Chocolate Month, National Pie Month, National Dental Health Month, National Age-related Macular Degeneration Month, Spay/Neuter Awareness Month, International Brownie Camera Day, National Goat Yoga Month, Spunky Old Broads Month, and finally, National Creative Romance Month, and Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month.
Our family is headed for a vacation next week, but I just realized that August is National Goat Cheese Month. How time flies. It seems like just yesterday, I was celebrating this holiday with some of my closest friends, going to wine and cheese parties, and getting high on cholesterol. Has it really been a year?
I sometimes wonder how goat cheese got an entire month. I don’t want to insult goat cheese lovers (or goats, for that matter), but I don’t think goat cheese deserves four weeks.
I figure with a good party planner and some forethought, you could celebrate everything about goat cheese in a day—maybe in two hours. But “National Goat Cheese Two Hours” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
You probably just said to your spouse, “Where is Wolfsie going with this goat cheese thing? He can’t write an entire column about goat cheese.”
And the response you got: “You’re selling the guy short, sweetheart. I’ve seen him write about way dumber things.”
Of course, I can do it. And I’m not going to take the easy way out by bringing in National Peanut Butter Month, which started slowly but spread over the years. And I won’t mention National Kite Month, which had trouble getting off the ground. Enough said!
No, this is about National Goat Cheese Month. And I’m sticking to it. (That line would have been better during National Peanut Butter Month.)
Okay, you ask, so how did goat cheese get an entire month? Is there a goat cheese lobby? What would that smell like? I have a sneaking suspicion that while we’re all out whooping it up for goat cheese, the American Dental Association is celebrating its month. I think it’s also National Mandolin Month. And National Osteoporosis Month. How can you expect people to focus when there are so many distractions?
Now that I know it’s National Goat Cheese Month, I don’t want to fritter it away (I’d do that during National Apple Month). I mean, how many Augusts do I have left? My wife and I are planning to celebrate by going out for dinner. Chuck E. Cheese is nearby. That’s the closest we can come to an appropriate cheesy meal.
After dinner we’ll…or maybe we’ll go down to…how about a nice evening of….See what I mean? You can’t even fill two hours celebrating Goat Cheese Month. Why didn’t they partner with National Goat Yoga Month?
I wrote 540 words about goat cheese, which is the minimum I’m required to turn in for my column.
Five hundred and forty.
Exactly.
Television personality Dick Wolfsie writes columns for The Daily Reporter. Send comments to [email protected].
