Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
— 1 Thessalonians 5:11
An all-things-work-together-for-good type of hope was extended to the family and close friends. And the memorial service came to a close with tributes of muted joy, heavy tears and lingering pain. This was not a loss; it was a tragedy.
If faith has a response at all or to anything, it must offer a deeper healing despite tragedy, providing hope even in trauma.
There’s another S word within our shared faith, aside from spirituality, we must talk about.
First, there is suffering. We are versed in this and have verses for it too.
Yet, if we don’t want to be a partner to platitudes it is time we move beyond the gearing-up for sufferings announced in Sunday morning’s sermonizing. There’s some pulpiteering I’ve endured that created suffering of a different type in their sheeple and myself. Preachers preach bad sermons as they learn to preach good sermons; some get stuck in the former, and some make it to the Promised Land of the latter.
Second, there is safety. Are our sanctuaries a place of emotional, practical and psychological safety, coupled with a spirituality of significance that fosters meaning in the attendees’ lives? (I recommend the book “My Body Is Not A Prayer Request, Disability Justice in the Church” by Dr. Amy Kenny.)
Third, there is sharedness. One hundred times in the New Testament we find the phrase “one another,” and it’s derived from the Greek word allelon (ἀλλήλων). Yet, 59 of those occurrences are specific commands teaching us how (and how not) to relate to one another. We are on this faith journey, and it’s a shared journey with gentle reminders, helpful hints and other commands outside of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20).
The other S word is suicide.
Yes, in love and with grace, I said it — suicide. Studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) disclose that suicide is a leading cause of death in the U.S., and suicide rates have increased significantly in the last few years, though the contributing factors don’t always let us understand the root causes.
Our youth are not the church of tomorrow (a platitude), or they wouldn’t be in it today. And we are losing far too many of our children and youth to a semi-silent epidemic while the pulpits seem to shy away from this S word, yet remain voluminous on trivialities and excesses. If you don’t have positive mental health, then physical health and spiritual health will fall in the same category.
“Suicide is not a blot on anyone’s name; it is a tragedy,” said Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison.
We must remain kind in letting them know a better response is needed other than blaming altogether and stop the if-onlys from attaching blame to the child, teen or adult who died. Stigmas end slowly, but they do end, especially when we are purposeful with phraseology within our own theology.
If faith doesn’t have a response to tragedy and trauma, then it’s too puny a version for our times, and a deeper meaning of faith must be explored!
In the first place, in the last place, some memorial services are preventable. (Read that again.) We must choose to address “the other S word” within our midst and avoid the pitfalls of a platitudinal response to spiritual life.
When we unnecessarily lose our children and youth to suicide, or from physical, cyber, and social bullying and self-harm, this is not a loss; it is a tragedy!
This is the second in a two-part series of columns by the Rev. Markus Dennis, pastor of Riley Friends Church, pertaining to how faith responds to trauma. Hope for Living is a weekly column written by local clergy members.
