Dick Wolfsie
Have you noticed that scamming is attracting fewer and fewer people who are really good at it? I know there are countless reports on victims of these cons, but I am beginning to note a real lack of know-how in their approach. In the past week, I have received dozens of messages in both my email inbox and my spam folder that lack the expertise required to be successful at being a fraud. Here’s one I received the other day: (NOTE: ALL THE SCAM TEXTS WILL BE IN CAPS.)
DEAR DICK WOLFSIE:
YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS HAVE REPORTED DICK WOLFSIE FOR PRETENDING TO BE YOU. WE WILL REVIEW YOUR PROFILE AND LET YOU KNOW IF IT VIOLATES OUR COMMUNITY STANDARDS. CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS.
The nerve of me, pretending to be me. Who do they think I am? Me? I hope I’m doing a good job and not some cheap impersonation. And do I look like me? I hope not. I’m no spring chicken. And please don’t let me know if I have violated community standards. I have a big mouth and would probably tip myself off that you are investigating me.
Here’s another:
WE DETECTED SOMETHING UNUSUAL ABOUT YOUR SIGN-IN TO YOUR AOL. IF IT WAS YOU, YOU ARE ALL SET.
All set for what? Another 30 years of AOL? And what could be unusual about my signing in, other than I’ve been paying for this outdated service for three decades? That’s also the end of their text. No place to click or call and nowhere do they ask for personal information. What kind of a lousy rip-off is this? The scamming profession has failed to attract the necessary talent to keep the art of swindling business alive.
Here’s another area where these con men (and women) are slipping. These are from my spam folder.
YOUR HULU ACCOUNT MAY BE IN JEOPARDY OF BEING SUSPENDED. CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS
YOUR NETFLIX ACCOUNT COULD BE ENDING. GO TO THIS WEBSITE TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE.
YOUR SIRIUS ACCOUNT MIGHT BE EXPIRING. CALL THIS NUMBER.
And my favorite:
YOU ARE IN DANGER OF OWING $10,000 IN BACK TAXES. CLICK FOR MORE INFORMATION.
What a weaselly approach to swindling people out of their hard-earned money. What’s with using words like MAY, COULD, and MIGHT? Do you think a Chicago gangster in the 1920s would say to a bar owner, “If you don’t pay the kickback money, we might come back with a sledgehammer, and there is a small possibility that you would be in jeopardy of having your knees crushed. “
If you are going to perpetrate a scam, you need to give your targets the heebie-jeebies. Let me help you would-be criminals out. Here’s a good example of how to do it.
DEAR ED:
YOU OWE $10,000 IN BACK TAXES. WE ALSO HAVE YOUR GRANDSON TIED TO A LAWN CHAIR IN OUR BASEMENT. AND TO MAKE MATTERS EVEN WORSE, YOUR NETFLIX ACCOUNT EXPIRES IN 20 MINUTES. CLICK HERE TO KEEP YOUR ACCOUNT FROM BEING SUSPENDED,
Yes, you slime buckets. Take a course on how to write convincingly. Hone your craft and be the best you can be.
For more information. Click here or call: 993-555-0100. Or else.
Television personality Dick Wolfsie writes columns for The Daily Reporter. Send comments to [email protected].
