Terry Miller
I’m sure that many parents have the same memories as I do of their children talking all the time when they were young. Perhaps jokes were made about the things they talked about and how many questions they asked… particularly the question, “Why?” Did you know children ask about 4,000 questions between the age of two and five? That’s a lot of questions… and a lot of answers!
The desire to learn and understand is a wonderful part of growing up, and it should be encouraged and praised. It is very satisfying to answer the question of a child and then to hear him/her use that information later. The world can be a complicated and confusing place, and with all there is for children to learn, asking questions is the best and most direct way to gain knowledge about people, places, and things.
Whether they are observing or listening, a young child’s brain is like a sponge. They observe who treats them well, who takes time to listen and answer, what words are used, what voice tones sound like, what kinds of answers are given and in what detail. This teaches them who respects them and their ideas and questions. As they seek to understand the world around them, they ask lots of questions. Their persistence, and our patience, with questions help them gain knowledge and gives them permission to continue asking more questions! Their curiosity helps them to learn and understand the world around them.
There comes an age, usually around age 11, when kids don’t ask as many questions as they used to. Perhaps they feel self-conscious and think they are the only one who doesn’t know the answer. Or maybe they have a fear of looking less capable than those around them. Some think they already know the answer and go forth without getting all the information. Or maybe their brain is comfortable with the familiar pattern or knowledge and doesn’t seek to learn anything different. For this age, when presenting new material, it can be helpful to say, “Ask me two questions” instead of, “Do you have any questions?” These fears and thoughts sometimes carry over into adulthood and can put one at a disadvantage in many situations.
No matter what our age, questions are to be encouraged. They help us to learn things about people, places, school subjects, situations, and jobs. Questions help people find out what might happen next, what happened before and what is happening right now. They also help us to figure out where we fit in the situation.
I recently saw a picture of college students moving into their new dorms. The students who were assisting wore t-shirts with the words “Ask me” written on the back. I loved this picture because of the shirts’ permission to those moving in that it was okay to ask questions about the dorm and to understand that new world and their place in it.
Adults who move into a new community or start a new job should be as encouraged as these students were to ask questions to familiarize themselves with the new city, their neighbors, etc. New jobs require a lot of questions. We can’t be expected to know everything about everything. We need to ask about routine, expectations, and people we interact with.
You don’t know what you don’t know until you ask questions. Be brave, ask questions, and learn new things.
Terry Miller, a licensed clinical social worker, is a school social worker at Weston Elementary School in Greenfield.
