Terry Miller
I recently heard the phrase “Life is full of choices … which one are you going to make?”
This prompted me to think about how children learn to make choices and how important adults are to this process.
Children start out relying on adults to make all their choices for them. When to eat, what to wear, and what to do are all dependent on adult choice. As children get older, they begin making more choices for themselves. Many of their choices are based on mimicking the adults in their lives. As eyes are watching and ears are listening, it becomes so important that adults think about their own choices.
We all want our children to talk and act in ways that are socially appropriate. For them to do this, they must be taught values and be exposed to role models that are respectful. The choices made now can last a lifetime for our children, so it is necessary to make sure that all choices are healthy, safe and respectful.
When you choose how to handle your emotions, you are teaching your child. What words and voice tone do you use? Do you fly off the handle or do you allow yourself some calm-down time before talking about the situation? These are all questions to be asked as you are determining what you want your child to learn. Whatever children are exposed to tends to become the norm for them.
Taking care of oneself is also an important decision to make daily. Are you and your child getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet and staying hydrated? All these things have an impact on one’s mood and attitude. Life is easier to handle if healthy choices become a habit.
For those parents whose children play any type of sport, it is important to bear in mind what is said in front of your child. Tom Crean, former IU basketball coach, recently wrote: “The car rides to and from the games are crucial in your kid’s development. You are planting seeds good or bad that are going to stay with them. If you’re ripping the coach, the other kids, the referees, the playing time or the numbers, you are planting negativity.” Taking Coach Crean’s way of thinking one step further, it is important to share with your child some of the positive things that happened, such as sportsmanship and effort. This doesn’t mean that you can’t feel like things are not going well, because of course you can. Just be careful as to when you say something and how you say it.
Video games also play a part in our children’s decision making and mental health. If violent games are the games of choice, children are learning harmful messages, particularly when left on their own.
While children should not be exposed to “adult” problems, it is good for them to see and hear an adult solve out loud some of the smaller dilemmas of life. For example: “I wonder what I’m going to wear today. I’d like to wear my yellow shirt, but it is dirty. Plus, it’s going to be warm outside, so I need to wear something that will help me stay cool.” This type of talking out loud both gives your child an opportunity to listen to the way the brain can process things.
Summer is almost here and children will be spending more time at home. Think about the choices you make and if they are what you want your child to learn. Because your decisions influence their decisions.
Terry Miller, a licensed clinical social worker, is a school social worker at Weston Elementary School in Greenfield.
