My wife and I have been getting along so well during the pandemic, I don’t think we realize how unhappy we are. I don’t mean unhappy with each other; I mean antsy from being home all the time. We are more hunkered down now than we were in early summer. Mary Ellen has decided that with the increased COVID cases during the holidays, I should not be popping in and out of stores. I will follow this advice, because I do have an underlying condition: I’m scared to death of her.
To keep the romance alive, I have tried very hard to make sure Mary Ellen is aware that I am staying involved with whatever she is doing. For example, if she is looking at something on the computer and says “Awww…”, I’ll ask: “What’s so cute?” At that point she asks me to scoot my chair over and look at the YouTube video. Of a kitten. And I watch it. For. Six. Endless. Minutes.
If she is downstairs on the treadmill watching a show on her iPad and I hear her laughing uproariously, I trudge down to the lower level and ask her, “What’s so funny?”
Let’s say it’s a Grace and Frankie episode. She’ll patiently describe to me the entire set-up—which is something no person can really ever successfully accomplish. But I giggle anyway. That’s what good husbands do.
The other day, I realized she seldom asks about my own audible reaction to videos or something I am reading. For example, recently we were sitting next to each other on the couch while I looked at my laptop at an amazing story. At one point, I belted out: “Wow, that is really weird.” There was no reaction, no apparent curiosity to see what had triggered that response from me. She just continued with whatever she was reading.
Minutes later, as a little experiment, I tried a different tack. “Oh dear!” I exclaimed, looking directly at her, “this is just terrible news.”
No response. Her eyes remained focused on her own material. I tried again. This time I burst out laughing.
Ha ha ha ha ha…HO! (I threw in that extra HO! just for the Christmas season. Still nothing.)
One final try. While watching a video posted on social media, I pretended to cry. Bawling my eyes out. Mary Ellen was sitting right next to me, still concentrating on something. When I got no response, I said: “Mary Ellen, I’ve been sobbing for two minutes. Don’t you want to ask me something?”
“I’m sorry. Do you want a tissue?”
I then explained to her why her lack of interest and curiosity bothered me.
“Dick, unlike you, I am always very focused when I am working on something. I block out everything else. Remember, I’m the one who does our taxes, oversees our healthcare coverage, and carefully analyzes our investments.”
I was embarrassed. I was being self-centered and needy. “I am so sorry, Mary Ellen. You do handle most of the important responsibilities in the household, so what were you doing when I was weeping for two minutes?”
“Sudoku.”
